


The Destruction of Mostly Innocent Playgrounds

by catalyticGenesis



Series: Skaian Dreamers [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Humanstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 17:04:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1274320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catalyticGenesis/pseuds/catalyticGenesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last day of summer is to be spent lazing. Unless Terezi is around, then there will be no lazing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Destruction of Mostly Innocent Playgrounds

gallowsCalibrator [GC] turntechGodhead [TG]

GC: D4V3

GC: D44444V3

GC: D44444444V3

GC: YOUR3 NOT 4LLOW3D TO B3 BUSY

GC: WH4TR3 YOU 3V3N DO1NG

GC: STR1D3R 1 SW34R 1F YOU DONT 4NSW3R R1GHT NOW 1M COM1NG TO YOUR HOUS3 TO HUNT YOU DOWN!!!!

GC: STR111111D333R!!!!!!

GC: 1M SW34R 1M GO1NG TO

GC: UM

GC: OH, 1V3 GOT 1T

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

TG: Sorry, Dave’s not here right now.

GC: WH4T

GC: WHO

GC: WH4T 3V3N

TG: It’s not Dave.

GC: BUT YOUR3 CH3RRY R3D 4ND TURNT3CHGODH34D

GC: TH4TS D4V3

TG: Well, I can’t fix the part about me being turntechGodhead, but I can fix the red.

TG: Better? 

GC: ROS3!

GC: C4NT YOU SW1CH TO YOUR 4CCOUNT?

TG: Sadly, no. Dave is permanently logged in as turntechGodhead, and I can’t do anything about it. 

TG: Well, there is one thing I can do about it.

GC: 4ND WH4T WOULD TH4T B3?

TG: Tell Dirk and Roxy. I’m sure they could find something to do with his account.

 

Rose looked up. Someone was knocking on the door.

“Dave, you don’t have to knock to access your own room,” she sighed. 

“The last time I forgot to knock, I came into Roxy passed out on my bed. I’m just going to knock before entering any rooms, no matter how safe they should be.” Dave opened the door, making sure everything was safe before entering. 

“Terezi’s trying to contact you right now. I answered for you, but she wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh, okay. Wait, what? You’re on my account?”

“It’s not as if I had much of a choice, your account is permanently logged in.”

“Shove over; I’m taking over this conversation.”

 

TG: hey rezi

GC: TH4TS NOT ROS3

GC: D1D D4V3 F1N4LLY COM3 T4LK TO M3?

TG: yeah i finally graced your pathetic peasant self with the wonders of dave strider

GC: WHY 4R3 YOU GR4P3Y-L1L4CY TOD4Y?

TG: what

TG: thats a good question

TG: why am i grapey-lilacy today

TG: rose why am i grapey-lilacy today

TG: shes not in the room anymore

GC: 1 DUNNO HOW TO F1X 1T

TG: youre such a big help terezi 

TG: wait let me try this 

TG: got it

GC: OK4Y, 1 H4V3 SOM3TH1NG M4JORLY 4W3SOM3 PL4NN3D FOR TOD4Y

TG: pyrope no

TG: its the last day of summer vacation

TG: gotta spend it lazin round when you can

GC: BLUH, WHY 4R3 YOU SO D1S4GR334BL3?

GC: 1 3V3N CONV1NC3D K4RK4T V4NT4S

GC: TH3 MOST STUBBORN P3RSON ON TH3 F4C3 OF TH3 E4RTH

GC: YOU H4V3 TO 4GR33

TG: ill agree when you tell me who youve got convinced

GC: EVERYBODY!

GC: 4R4DI4, T4VROS, SOLLUX, K4RK4T, N3P3T4, K4N4Y4, VR1SK4, 3QU1US, G4MZ33, 3R1D4N, F3F3R1, JOHN, J4D3, 4ND ROS3

GC: YOUR3 TH3 L4ST ON3

TG: holy shit how did you even get everyone to agree

GC: DONT QU3ST1ON 1T

GC: JUST SHOW UP 4T TH3 SCHOOL PL4YGROUND 1N TWO HOURS

TG: what why

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

TG: dammit rezi always getting me pulled into your crazy plans

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

 

Terezi surveyed the group she had rounded up. “Alright everyone, I bet you’re wondering why we’re here. We’re going to kill this playground!” she shouted, looking for the excited reactions. She only got a few, most everyone just looked bored.

“Okay, that’s some great enthusiasm you’ve got there. But really, don’t you hate this playground? No? Yeah, you do. That’s why we’re destroying it. Are you ready to destroy this playground?”

Everyone cheered halfheartedly.

“Yeah, I know it’s hot. We’re all going over to Feferi’s house afterwards for swimming. I said, are you ready to destroy this playground?”

More effort was put into the cheering this time.

“Okay, I actually have a plan for this. First off, no matter what she says, Vriska is not in charge of anything other than her group. But really, don’t listen to her if she’s not your group leader. Now for groups. In Vriska’s group, we have Tavros, John, and Eridan. This is an extraordinarily bad idea, but you’re going around with torches and burning anything you can. But not the ground, and nothing that could potentially cause serious damage. Rose’s group is Jade, Kanaya, and Dave. You’ll be removing the twisty-slide thing and the seesaw. Aradia’s group is Feferi, Gamzee, and Karkat. You get the task of strewing pumpkin guts across the entire playground. And my group is Sollux, Nepeta, and Equius. We’ll be strategically removing very important screws and all that shit to make the playground even more dangerous.”

Everyone headed off to find their supplies. 

“Rose. Rose, where’re we gonna find screwdrivers?”

“In the supply bin Terezi brought.”

“Rose, can I leave this group?”

“No.”

“Rose, I’m hungry. When can we go home?”

“Dave, stop asking stupid questions. I’m going to transfer you to Vriska’s group if you don’t quit this right now.”

“Rose, are we there yet?”

Rose sighed, grabbed Dave, and pulled him over to where Vriska’s group was gathered. “Here you go. Have a Dave. I’m taking John, though.”

“What? No, you’re not taking John,” Vriska objected. 

Rose glared at her. “No, I am taking John, and you’re getting Dave in return. Got it?” She turned to walk away, gesturing for John to follow. John shrugged, and walked away with Rose.

“Ugh, that bitch. Taking John out of my group and pawning Dave off on me. Anyways, We have to burn stuff with fire. Ready?”

“Yeah, course I’m ready.”

“I’m ready, um, kind of, mostly, not really, but this does seem fun. Playing with sick fires, yeah.”

“Of course I’m ready. I’m always ready for destructive activities.”

“Okay then. Since torches are dumb, we’re going to go with lighters because they’re much better. I brought some, so come get your lighters.” Vriska grabbed them out of her bag, holding them out.

“Really, Vris? Who the hell carries lighters around with them? That’s just plain weird.” Eridan shook his head, still reaching out to grab one. 

“Who the hell carries lighters around with them? Clearly Vriska does, that’s who.” Dave reached to grab his lighter.

Tavros silently grabbed his lighter, fairly excited for this. 

“Y’know, I just realized, none of the tenth graders are here. What’s with that?” Dave looked around, checking again to make sure he wasn’t reverse hallucinating.

“Nope, not here. They’re vandalizing their school’s everything. Since they don’t have a playground, everything’s getting destroyed.”

“Hey Vris, Tav set the mulch on fire. I don’t think he was supposed to do that, ’cause he’s trying to put it out.”

“You are the most supremely retarded person I know, Tavros Nitram. I told you not to set anything on fire, but no, you just couldn’t listen. You set the ground on fire, which Terezi, supreme leader of everything, specifically told you not to do.” Vriska shook her head, disappointed. 

“But, the lighter, it didn’t go off when it was supposed to. I think your lighter might be, um, broken, because when I tried to turn it off, it, just didn’t go off. It fell into the mulch, and the mulch, it caught on fire,” Tavros stuttered. He didn’t want to be on the receiving end of Vriska’s anger. Or on any end of it. 

“That’s a safety feature, and we all know safety features are for wimps.”

“If turning dangerous things off is your idea of a safety feature, I’d hate to see what you’d do with the warning labels on chainsaws.”

“No, no you don’t. You don’t want to know what she does with the safety warning labels on chainsaws. No, no you really don’t,” Tavros shook his head, desperate not to remember what had happened.

“Well, just pick up your lighter and keep burning the playground. The ground will eventually go out.” Vriska shrugged the burning ground off, running away to find something to burn.

“What did she do with the chainsaw?”

“You really don’t want to know.”

“Oh come on, don’t you think I can handle it? I’m only the coolest person to ever walk the earth, I’m sure I can handle it.” Dave lowered his shades to stare directly at Tavros, who immediately cracked under pressure.

“Remember how our mom’s series, you know, the one with the pirates, it had to be put on a really, really long break, right? Well, Vriska was in, well, she was in Mom’s writing studio. There were, um, technical difficulties that day. She destroyed the computer, and accidentally crushed the backup system.” Tavros looked down, relieved that he didn’t have to go on. 

“What.”

“Well, you see, she was messing around under Aranea’s, um, not-really supervision, tripped and hit the computer, which killed both the computer and the chainsaw. It had been a really, really heavy one, Vriska could barely lift it by herself. She stumbled backwards, fell, and the chainsaw, fell on the backup thing. She was very unhappy, and Aranea was in unbelievable amounts of trouble.”

“Why was there a chainsaw in your writing studio. That makes no sense whatsoever.” Dave shook his head.

“We, we still don’t know.”

“Okay, I’ll just leave it at that and go burn the slide.” He paused, shouting over to Rose. “Rose! Hey! Are you doing anything with the twisty-slidey thingy?”

“Yes. In fact, we are doing something to the so-called twisty-slidey thingy.” Rose sighed at the description. Couldn’t they be slightly more descriptive? 

“It can’t be as important as what I’m doing to it!”

“Dave, get your ass over here. I feel as though I’m having a screaming match with a five-year old.”

Dave sighed, slowly walking over. 

“What was it that was oh-so-important and overshadowed my current plans? Did you wish to burn the slide?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, you can’t. We’re unscrewing it and taking it away. Now go burn something unimportant, hopefully something no one else is using.” Rose shooed Dave off in the direction of another slide.

“Now, you all know how to unscrew screws, right?

 

By the end of the day, a few slides and the seesaw were missing, they had a large pile of screws they had removed, there was fire damage almost everywhere, and there were pumpkin guts strewn across everything. 

Terezi observed the damage. “That is one structurally unsound playground. I like it.”

~

The next day, was called down to the office.

“I just have to tell you, signing your work is meant for art, not crime scenes.”


End file.
